"Trust in the Lord" this phrase is used regularly in the Christian cirlces or the southern "Bible Belt", if you will. It is a phrase that has become oh so real to me over the past 6 months. The Lord has tested me to a point where I wondered if He really was testing me beyond that I could handle. He doesn't. He uses fire of sin and circumstances to refine us and make us more like Him! The past 6 months has been some serious heat over here refining me! We figured out in November of 2014 that Derek would probably be getting laid off from his job. You're probably thinking, "Wait?!? isn't your husband a youth pastor?" Yep! You're right! He is. The church took on a bit more than what they could handle financially. We started losing members and cash flow. We realized very quickly we didn't have much time. This was our full-time income (and really wasn't much). So here I was fretting because churches are pretty well known for taking ages and ages to hire to positions. We don't have time for that. We have to find something quickly! So the job search began! Things continued to go downhill financially at our church and we knew it was time to leave. We are leaving our full-time income and have nothing else! Oh my goodness!!! I realized (not quickly enough) through all of this that Trusting the the Lord....this is when it counts. I went through some pretty major anxiety and had to go to my doctor for nausea medicine. It was so bad I would have days where I could rarely eat 3 meals. At least one meal a day I was feeling so ill I couldn't eat. And in fact, there was a time (I'm not proud of) that I went 36 hours without eating a thing because I was so nauseated I knew it would not set well. It was dizzy, weak and ended up making myself eat!
Then it hit me! This time right NOW is when Trusting the Lord counts. I was thoroughly embarrassed that I had had such anxiety. What was I thinking. Of course, God knew that this would happen and of course, He is going to take care of us! Why am I so worried?!?
Because I'm human! That's why. Because I was (and still do at times) find my security in financial stability. Even though we didn't have much income. We had income. I knew that our mortgage would be paid and that we would have food on the table. Now that we have only a part-time income. I should be on the bathroom floor crying, getting sick, and not eating, right?!? Well, praise the Lord! Im not. The Lord has done such a work in my heart, to rely on Him! I am trusting in Him now, so that later when He shows us His plan that He has had for us all along, I can affirmingly say that I trusted Him! I can say that I trusted that He had a good plan for our family. I don't know what that will look like and I don't know when we will see it. But what I do know. Is that I serve a good God. I serve a God that Loves me and loves my family more than I ever can! The phrase "Trust in the Lord" has taken on a whole new meaning to me over the past 6 months and I think it will forever mean more to than it ever has when I say or hear the phrase, "Trust in the Lord".