Tuesday, July 15, 2014

My Children are not Mine

I have had a few friends and family announce that they are expecting babies! I love babies and I am so incredibly excited for them!! The way The Lord creates this human being from cells absolutely Blows my mind! It is truely a miracle!

When I was pregnant with my son, I had people tell me things like, "Don't tell people you're pregnant until your are at least 12 weeks. You know, past the 'scary' stage of pregnancy." Then you would hear the horror stories of the ladies that miscarried at 20 weeks. And fear slowly begins to creep into your mind and thoughts. You start worrying about this little life that you are carrying. You feel so much responsibility yet so helpless because there is nothing you can DO.

As i spoke with one of my friends who was just barely pregnant she worried about this and that and I could sense these same fears I had creeping into her mind. I told her, "Look, you cannot worry about these things. You can only trust the Lord" I learned early on in my first pregnancy that my unborn child is not "mine" he is the Lord's.

Once I got through the "scary" part of pregnancy and was as big as a whale. We went to a Birthing Class. No big deal, right?? I mean, I was missing a NCSU football game but you know they lost anyway. Well, it was a big deal because if I felt confidant in any part of raising this child that Lord has put me in charge of it was when it was out of me not inside of me. I LOVE babies as I mentioned before. This is not a new love. I have loved them for years and as friends and family would have babies I was right there to help, to babysit, etc. I was sure of how to care for this child once it was outside of me. That was what I had practiced for so many years with other peoples children! Little did I know going into this class, they would scare you like never before with SIDS! Another mother's worst fear that I had not even thought about before! Good gracious! We left that class and my husband was talking up a storm about the birth and all the things he learned and I was just quiet. As he asked me what was wrong I just went off on this rant about bumpers in the crib, swaddling, and who does this lady think she is telling me all this stuff.  I mean I have never birthed a child but I stinkin know how to raise an infant!! ha. Well, I had to realize once again, "This child is not mine" this child I am carrying, this child that will soon be on the outside is not "mine" he is the Lord's. I have simply been placed as his care giver for a short time of his life.

It finally hit me that no matter how old he gets it is like that "scary" part of pregnancy. Anything could happen. He could get very sick, we could get in a car accident, etc. ANYTHING could happen!! I have to do my best while he was inside of me by taking care of myself and that was all I could do. If the Lord decided to take this child from me, there was nothing I could do. If he decided to take him from me as an infant, there was nothing I could do. I obeyed the "rules" the doctor and hospital set out for me and from there, there was nothing else I could do! My child's life was, is and always will be in the Lord's hands. I will do my best to raise this child to love the Lord and to live a life that honors Him but ultimately he is not mine. He is the Lord's.

This has been something difficult that I had to learn. I thankfully have not had a devastating experience as I am sure many of you have. I am so very thankful for that and am not making light of any of these tragedies that "could" happen. I just realized as I started out as a new mom. That my child is not actually my own. He is the Lord's. It is something ever new mom has to realize or life could be really stressful and fearful!!

Do your best Mommies!! The rest is in the Lord's hands!!!